What should you do when clients don’t reimburse you for out-of-pocket expenses?
You know that saying, “Pay-to-Play” in sports? Well, it works with clients, too. No pay. No play. Even in the middle of a project.
Way back when, I always fronted out of pocket expenses for my clients. I thought it was easier, quicker, and less of a headache than waiting for approval, especially when the thing I needed to purchase was required to do the job.
And that, my friend, is how I got burned.
So burned, in fact, that I was left holding the bag on thousands of dollars of expenses – money that I assumed I’d get back, because why wouldn’t I?
Well, turns out, there are LOTS of reasons I wouldn’t get that money:
the client had to stop the project
the client had lost their funding
the client decided to “go a different way”
the client just didn’t want to pay for things after the fact (the worst one)
Turns out there are clients out there who want a say BEFORE money is spent, and what they think are unexpected expenses are actually required to get the job done.
Most service-based professionals are treating expenses like service fees. They’re not the same thing.
When you have a clear understanding of what it’ll take to bring your idea to life – from start to finish, all the time and energy and money and tools – then you don’t need to keep pretending that expenses don’t need to be paid immediately after you spend them. But more on what that looks like in a bit.
I think the actual problem with treating expenses like service fees is that we tend to lump them in with the “cost” of the project. Except the project cost of your LABOR is not the same project cost of your MONEY.
A lot of people feel uneasy about the fact that a project costs more than just the literal labor of producing it. That’s because chances are high that they’re undervaluing their work to begin with – from the start, in the actual fee being charged. It would feel weird to charge only $750 for a logo or brochure or website, but then tell the client they have to pay for all kinds of expenses on top of that amount, often which exceed that fee over time.
So, if you’re doing this, STOP fronting your client’s expenses. START doing this instead:
“What Would Sheila Say” about fronting expenses for clients?
The truth is that clients don’t know what they don’t know. What they think is normal – what YOU think is normal – doesn’t have to be. Avoiding confrontation about money, and avoiding the truth that a project is going to cost a client more than just the service fees to complete it … that’s a recipe for disaster.
I care about making sure you’re safe. Making sure your contract covers you. I care about whether you play the game – and who’s actually PAYING to PLAY. You shouldn’t be the one to pay. The client should be the one to pay. And it’s not to say you can’t front a little bit of money, $30 here or there, or even $250 if that’s within your disposable income, but not having a limit, not having an agreement about it – that’s asking for trouble.
So, I want you to look at your agreement. Chances are, you have very vague language about how to handle expenses. Or, you’ve lumped them together in your agreement with fees and other costs. Take a few minutes to go dive into it – then let me know where you need help in creating a client relationship that’s based on mutually beneficial money terms.
And, after you’ve done that, a great place to keep that momentum going is by reviewing the 12 Tweaks – it’s an Interactive Guide that will help you start to plug up some holes in your agreement, and it’ll help you start to see how to protect yourself AND your client relationship.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
If a client isn’t valuing you or your experience, say something. Don’t mince words. Don’t be afraid. Show them what you’re worth.
Every now and again, no matter how much I do to lay the groundwork and to shore up a good foundation for my relationships with my clients, sometimes I feel like my clients don’t value me. And truth be told, it has way more to do with me than it does with them, BUT, and here’s a big BUT, even though I feel that way, I’m still allowed to do something about it.
And that’s what we’re talking about today: how to handle it if a client isn’t valuing you or your experience.
Most creatives, highly-sensitive people with a keen eye for beauty, go inward and they go quiet when they don’t feel properly valued. Instead of stepping UP, they step BACK.
But when you have confidence in your worth, then you don’t need to keep silencing yourself or keeping your mouth, and you don’t need to work harder, all in the hopes that they will SEE your worth.
You see, the real problem with feeling like clients don’t value you is that maybe, just maybe – you are not valuing yourself. And yes, maybe the client is not valuing you, but that might be – maybe, just maybe – because you are not telling them everything they need to know about how awesome you are, how much you’re doing behind the scenes to make things happen. So they have no idea what you’re doing (or not), so it’s not reasonable or realistic to expect that they understand. They don’t understand unless you tell them.
Clients don’t know how to value you UNLESS YOU TELL THEM how to value you. And it’s not just about the money either. It’s about you, the HUMAN.
And look, it’s perfectly normal.
A lot of people feel disappointed, gloomy, dismayed, even neglected or taken advantage of, when they don’t feel properly valued.
That’s because we all deserve to be seen and recognized and appreciated. And when we don’t feel that way – when we don’t feel valued – we think we’ve done something wrong.
And well, maybe it is something quote unquote “WRONG” – like I said earlier, instead of stepping UP, we tend to step BACK. We tend to believe that not being valued properly is somehow a reflection on our worth. And it’s not.
So instead of getting quiet when you start feeling undervalued, I want you to start speaking up. If a client isn’t valuing you or your experience, say something. Don’t mince words. Don’t be afraid. Show them – TELL THEM – what you’re worth. Because they won’t know unless you tell them.
But, this is easier said than done, right? And maybe you’re thinking, “BUT SHEILA! THAT IS SO HARD! What if they get mad at me? What if they fire me? What if they laugh in my face? What if I tell them what I think and feel and instead of acknowledging it, they ignore it?”
And I hear this. And what I will say is in order to have clients who value you, they need to know HOW to value you.
Because value is not just about money, or accolades. Value is not just your love language. Value is about your boundaries – what you will do, won’t do, are doing, and why – and it’s about communicating that to clients so that they understand what YOU need from them. Those are expectations. Remember Episode 4? Managing Expectations – the ones YOU have of others? I’m linking it below. Go listen after this.
And truth be told, we all struggle with this. My clients and students and colleagues struggle with this. It’s not a one-time deal. It’s always a lesson to be learned in making yourself heard and seen and appreciated. We grow, they grow. We do it together. And if a client leaves because you told them how best to value you, that’s their decision. And if that’s the case, chances are high high high that they would have fought you on your last bill. I’m being honest here. Because people like that, people like that. It is what it is. But their actions are not always a reflection on you – and it’s up to you to tell them what you need.
So, as we start wrapping up, let me just say this:
We are working in a world where people are learning that they do not have to respect anyone – not even themselves.
We are working in a world where people learn to define themselves by THINGS and not values, morals, ethics.
We are working in a world where we feel we have to prove ourselves, constantly looking outward for validation and love and direction.
And while these things are facts , they don’t have to be YOUR FACTS.
I believe we can change the world by changing the way we work inside of it.
We can respect ourselves, even if our clients don’t respect us or themselves.
We can choose to communicate our needs, treating people the way they deserve to be treated and demanding that of our clients, too.
We can decide that instead of spending all that energy looking outward, that we can look inward – and then speak our truth.
So, yes, you could probably just read this (or listen to this episode) and go about your day, not doing anything to shore up your value. Or, you could just take a moment to write out what you need from a client who you feel is undervaluing you. Give yourself the space to come up with a solution – an offer in how to resolve that feeling, how to move forward together on the same page.
And if you’re struggling to find the words, scripts are my JAM – I’d love to help you map that out. That’s a perfect situation for a Roadmap to Freedom Strategy Session. We can go through it, map it all out, review your contract together, and then script it – we’ll come up with a plan for how to handle it, together.
You’re not alone. You were never alone. I’m here for you, and so many others are going through this, too. It’s going to be okay – as long as you step UP. Don’t step back.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
How are you setting yourself up for success at home, in your job, in your business when it comes to your property?
Are you being careful about who and what you do with the property you have an interest in, and the property that you own?
I absolutely love to talk about property. But in full disclosure – my Indigenous perspective always comes through pretty strongly when I talk about property. In fact, it can be really conflicting and twofold in that:
No one owns anything and we’re all here out of the kindness of our ancestors, and
We as Indigenous peoples have a right to maintain control, protect, and develop our own cultural heritage, knowledge, expression, and everything coming from that, including how we use the land to keep that culture, heritage, knowledge, and expression alive and thriving.
But, the idea of ownership as an Indigenous person is a different conversation altogether. So, instead, let’s look at modern property, specifically ownership.
In order to understand what ownership actually means, you have to think of two factors:
HOW to obtain legal ownership. This can be done through a purchase, a gift, inheritance or producing it yourself.
WHAT can be owned. Based on modern law, everything and anything under the sun can be owned, assuming you owned it properly to begin with.
Here in Louisiana and in other civil law jurisdictions of the world, in order to have full ownership of something, you need to have the following:
The full and clear right to use it.
The fruits of it, which can mean literal fruits OR anything that comes from something, like rental property and the rent you get from the lease.
The right to get rid of it, destroy it, sell it, donate it, etc. You need all three of these things to have full ownership.
The rules may be different wherever you’re located, but even so, it’s still important to see property ownership as multiple pieces that can be broken up into rights.
When it comes to WHAT can be owned, in Louisiana, there’s separate property and community property. What’s the difference?
Separate property is anything you own on your own, solely on your own. No one else has the right to take it away, sell it, or restrict your right to use it without your approval and permission. Can be personal property, real property, intellectual property, and yes, even BUSINESS property.
Community property is different from separate property because community property is anything and everything that you acquire during a marriage, and in some states, domestic partnership – debts and assets alike. Both assets and debts.
For example, if you start a business while you’re married, and your spouse is actively involved in the business and not being paid as an employee and clearly not an owner, then they may have some serious rights to the business and to the income from it. It may even be considered a community enterprise.
That’s right, there are some serious rights associated with owning property. That’s why it’s so important to have a Power Team and make sure all your expectations are laid out CLEARLY before you jump into anything.
Extra Credit
As you go about your day, think about the following:
Think about everything you own and created. Is someone else interfering in it? Have you allowed someone else to use it and never put some barriers or parameters in place around its use?
Think about everything you might have coming to you later in life. How do you want to protect that for yourself – your current self and your future self?
Next Steps
Take the plunge. 💦 Sign up for my email list to get notifications on new podcast episodes, free resources, behind the scenes activities, VIP Pre-Public Access, discounts, and more!
If you agreed to do a project for a client, do you have to do it? Even if they don’t pay you, even if they don’t respond to your emails, even if you don’t like them?
No! And that’s what we’re talking about today!
YES, it’s true: you CAN stop work on a project if a client hasn’t paid you.
There was a time when I struggled to know how to handle non-payment with clients.
When we sign on to do the work, and especially when we’ve done a substantial part of the work we agreed to, it’s very easy to get caught up in the sunk cost fallacy of “but I have so much time and energy invested in this, I should finish it” … even if the client hasn’t paid.
I talked about this a bit with my Contracts Series, back in Episodes 32 through 36, but recently, I dealt with a client issue that made me want to revisit this topic.
The truth is, when your client hasn’t paid you as agreed, that means that you really should stop work on the project until the account is in good standing again. But that doesn’t often happen, and that’s because contracts don’t normally address what to do in that situation. Contracts normally envision an issue with payment at the END of a project, but rarely do they anticipate what would happen if a client didn’t pay halfway through.
And that’s where I come in.
Most creatives continue doing the work they agreed to, even when a client isn’t holding up their end of the bargain.
But when you have a clear client contract that addresses all the little things that could go wrong (like nonpayment in the middle of the project), then you’ll have confidence in your contract and you’ll feel courageous in enforcing it and protecting yourself.
You don’t need to keep working when you’re not getting paid. And you don’t have to feel badly about that, either – it’s all part of the deal.
The problem with nonpayment isn’t that the client’s not paying. The problem with nonpayment is we believe we should still do the work, especially when the client says things like, “oh the check is in the mail” or “I sent that off to so-and-so for payment, it should be there this week, can we still see the mockups?”
The problem when clients still expect work without paying timely, is that we care. I know that sounds harsh. I don’t mean to say that I don’t want you to CARE. Of course I do. I want you to care.
The problem with caring is that if your contract doesn’t list NON-monetary consequences for nonpayment (like stopping work, etc.), and if your contract only focuses on the monetary consequences (like late fees, etc.), then you’re opening yourself up to trouble. Because if they haven’t paid you timely, they don’t care about the late fees. They know they’re going to owe them – or they can bully you later on to drop those fees by expressing dissatisfaction with the deliverable. If they don’t have the money when it’s owed, the likelihood that they’re going to have the money later and be able to pay you in full and catch up is slim.
A lot of creatives feel so invested in the work that they feel guilty and ashamed and bewildered about what to do when a client doesn’t pay properly. And that’s not even to say anything of anger and frustration.
When creatives like us continue doing the work we agreed to, even when a client isn’t holding up their end of the bargain, it’s often because we feel a moral obligation to do so. But moral obligations don’t pay the bills. Clients paying their invoices do.
Stop working when you haven’t been paid. Start clarifying the consequences of what happens if you don’t get paid – monetarily and non-monetarily.
We’re going to talk about this in the Contracts Clinic and Crash Course in September. If you’re not on the waitlist yet for early access and reduced pricing, the link is in the show notes.
So … Yes. I’ve dealt with it before and so have my clients.
That’s often why clients come to me in the first place. Because some client didn’t pay timely or they were trying NOT to pay something in the future, and they got stuck.
It’s hard to know what to do, but you know the strongest argument you have to stop work when a client doesn’t pay you?
Your contract.
At the end of the day, society wants us to keep our clients happy. And while I’m not discounting that or saying we shouldn’t, I want to make sure that you’re not hurting yourself while you’re keeping them happy.
You don’t have to prove you’re a good professional – we know you are.
You don’t have to avoid confrontation with a client – conflict is healthy, because it means you’re sticking up for yourself, setting boundaries, and being clear about expectations.
You don’t have to hold onto clients who aren’t good for you anymore or who don’t pay you properly – you’re worth way more than that.
At the end of the day, I want you to be HAPPY first, and make your clients happy second.
You deserve to do what’s right for you, too. You don’t have to play the game of who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s just facts.
It is what it is.
They don’t pay. They don’t get services. It can really be that simple. It’s like no shirt, no shoes, no service. Same difference. We have standards.
So, chances are some of this resonated with you if you’re still listening this far. Just know that you have much more power than you might think you do. It’s time to wield it to protect yourself.
Go take the quiz, which will outline your next best step to take with clients. Then, get on the waitlist for the contracts course. If you don’t have a contract, my goal by the end of those 8 weeks is for you to have a good first starter contract that you can use and continue to tweak as you go. And if you do already have a contract, this is your chance to review it from a 30,000 foot lens and to update it and correct it to make it custom to you and your needs.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
Today, we’re talking about what to do, and before we dive in, here’s what I have to say:
You can always fire a client – except when you can’t.
There was a time when I had disrespectful clients. And not even necessarily overtly rude – but disrespectful of my time, my energy, my talents. I wasn’t good about setting boundaries with my clients early on in my career, so I struggled with what to do about clients who crossed the line. I had a million questions:
Do I fire my client?
Give my client a warning?
What do I say to the client?
When should I say it? Before I get paid or after?
So what’s the right time for telling a client they’re fired?
The right time is when that disrespectful thing happens. Because if you let one thing slide, then they’ll learn that it’s okay.
But firing a client when you have a contract – or don’t have one – can be tricky.
Most creatives are looking at their clients as MONEY. In reality, we need to be looking at clients like HUMANS.
If you’re so focused on the MONEY you’re getting from the client, you’ll put up with crap you don’t need to, and probably for not enough money to put up with that crap!
When you have clarity around what you will and will not put up with from clients, then you don’t need to keep dehumanizing yourself, keeping yourself small, or staying quiet when you want to say something. You won’t keep waiting for them to notice your value or worth. You won’t need to work harder to prove your value or worth.
The bigger problem here is that we think that clients have all the control, and that’s just NOT true.
A lot of people are surprised that first time a client is disrespectful of their time or energy or talent. They question themselves, wondering what THEY did wrong, rarely thinking about what the client did wrong.
That’s because they think they somehow caused the client to be disrespectful. This creates a cycle of shame and disappointment, and then that’s when the overachieving bug kicks in. They think that because the client is disrespectful, that it must mean the client doesn’t see their value or worth, so they start over-delivering.
But none of this is actually true. Somehow, that client got past your intake form, they weren’t weeded out in the most important phase – the consult – and that just means you need to revise your intake even more. You also need to get really clear in your messaging – what you will and will not put up with. And you need to make sure your contract reflects those deal-breakers for you.
Stop accepting disrespect. Start outlining the consequences of disrespect.
To have clients who respect you and never give you any grief, you need to tell clients what’s okay – and not okay, which is actually even more important – and then tell them the consequence of the behavior.
These kinds of scripts work for any kind of disrespect – even you as a human: your race, your color, your religion, your gender, sex, sexual orientation, and even trans status. Anything. If you feel disrespected, you need to say so – and you need to do it sooner than later. Because the longer you wait, the worse it will get.
At the end of the day, we’re all looking for clients who GET us – who treat us with the respect we deserve and who honor our time, our talent, and our energy.
Early on, I struggled with this, but I had that crazy client that ran from me in the courtroom. You remember Episodes 82 and 83, yeah? Listen here:
🔗 EPISODE 82: Hidden Freelance contract gaps that could cost you big (and how to fix them)
🔗 EPISODE 83: Overcoming the Fear of Losing a Client (Defining Your Ideal Client)
After that, I never again allowed for disrespect in my client relationships. Ever.
And did it mean some people didn’t get what they wanted from me, when they wanted it? Absolutely.
Does it mean that sometimes, even now, clients don’t get what they want, when they want it? Yes.
But I’m much better now about communicating the consequences of the disrespect, which means clients like I used to get just don’t come into my world anymore.
That’s what I want for you.
I had to work on my own clarity around the boundaries and expectations I had of my clients. And when I had that clarity, I got confident in making decisions about that. And ultimately, at the end of the day, then I was able to feel like I was really truly protecting my peace and my heart and my reputation. So do you.
Now, all this kind of stuff lives in my contract – there’s a whole section on communication. And when I build contracts packages with my business and freelance clients, we add that in, too. It’s part of my process. You deserve that.
And look, it’s not like I’m the only one who’s dealt with this. I’m sure since you’re still listening, you have, too. We all have. It’s normal – but I don’t WANT it to be normal.
The only way we can change our industry is to change the way we work inside of it.
When we all focus on getting as much clarity as possible, we will all feel confident about our decisions. That means we will all feel courageous about setting those boundaries and communicating our expectations. And then we change the entire industry – all by protecting our peace. Every single time we go against the norm, or the so-called industry standard, we create ripple effects… and we give courage to another person who looks up to us.
So, add these kinds of things into your contracts, into your intakes, into your messaging. You’ll see a change. I’m sure of it.
So, as we wrap up, just know this:
Society wants us to focus on the money in a client relationship, not the humans inside of it.
Society wants us to allow for unrealistic expectations, and to be exhausted trying to make others happy, simply because there’s money attached to it.
Society wants us to avoid confrontation and truth, so that we stay a cog in the wheel.
But all of this is so wrong.
I want you to flip all of that –
Focus on the humanity in your client relationships.
Communicate your very reasonable expectations and watch clients get happier with you.
Address the elephant in the room before it’s a problem – don’t be a cog in the wheel.
And I know this probably seems hard. There are lots of issues underneath the surface – all those feelings of fear and nervousness and skepticism about whether this will work for YOU and YOUR specific clients.
But I’m telling you, it will. It all starts with trying. If you never try, you’ll never know. And then you’ll just be causing yourself stress and anxiety and frustration that’s not necessary.
And look, if a client keeps crossing the line with you and you never tell them the consequences of that, you’re only hurting yourself.
But if you tell them the issue, tell them the consequences, offer a solution, and they don’t take it, then by all means: FIRE THE CLIENT. Double-check the language in your contract if you have one, and then let them go. There is no amount of money worth heartache. None.
And, if all this resonated with you today and you want to be sure you have this kind of language in your contract, then you’re probably going to want to join us for the next round of my Contracts Clinic – a crash course in contracts – where I will walk you through how to build your custom client contract from scratch, or, if you already have one, resuscitate and revive it from the depths of procrastination! (We’ve all been there – no shame!)
I’ll throw the waitlist link into the show notes – but also, go do my free 12 Simple Tweaks Form to help you get a clearer client contract. I’m here if you need me.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
How do you determine the pricing for your services?
If you’re like a lot of people, you’ve probably done at least one of the following:
Googled it
Asked your friends
Took your best guess.
But guess what? Those are the exact ways you should NEVER rely on when it comes to setting your prices.
When it comes to figuring out your pricing, the first step begins with clarity aka knowing who you are, what you want, and why you want it.
Because if you are doing whatever it is you think you’re supposed to be doing or just following along with what other people in your industry are doing, you’re doing it all wrong.
Your services should be what lights you up. If only a sliver of a piece of a traditional service lights you up – you can choose to only do that part.
Otherwise, without that clarity, you will never have the prices that feel good, are profitable or even sustainable.
If you’re doing work that you hate, there is no amount of money that will make you want to do it.
So, you’ll always feel like you’re undercharging, because, well, you are. Even if they pay you a million dollars, you’re still going to hate it.
Ultimately, pricing is about you – the intangible you, the inner you, and, in my experience, it’s sometimes even about your inner child. And if someone gives you a hard time about your price, they’re not the right client for you.
Extra Credit
As you go about your day, think about these questions:
If you could charge anything you wanted for the services that you offer now or want to offer in the future, what would you charge? What would you demand that you get paid?
What’s stopping you from saying that number now?
Next Steps
Take the plunge. 💦 Sign up for my email list to get notifications on new podcast episodes, free resources, behind the scenes activities, VIP Pre-Public Access, discounts, and more!
I used to answer the phone 24/7, even if I was sleeping, even if I was in a meeting, even if I was in class.
A lot of that was during law school, when I was running that multi-million law firm I built from scratch. The day that changed everything was when my client called me five times in a row during class. My phone was on silent, because hello – I was in CLASS – and when we were shifting to the next case, I glanced down and saw the notifications on my phone.
No voice message, just five calls back to back. Clearly someone is dead, dying or in the hospital, right?
I ran out of the classroom, much to my professor’s chagrin, and I called the client back.
“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?”
“Nothing happened. Nothing’s wrong. I just needed to ask you something.”
“Okay – what is it?”
“I was wondering if we could move our meeting next Wednesday to 5 pm.”
And that, my friend, was when I lost it.
I lost it. I – and I hate to admit this, but I did it, and I value truth-telling – I yelled at my client.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEXT WEDNESDAY?! YOU CALLED ME FIVE TIMES IN A ROW TO ASK ME ABOUT AN APPOINTMENT THAT WE DON’T EVEN HAVE UNTIL NEXT WEEK?!”
Well, let’s just say the rest of that conversation did NOT go well – and yes, I moved the appointment for them. But from that moment on, I never ever again gave my phone number to clients and I never ever again allowed clients to call me 24/7. I set strict boundaries around what to expect from our communications, and I put rules up about what an emergency is and how to tell me that they have one.
And maybe you’re doing this, too, but the truth is – I wanted to be LIKED by my clients, so I acted like a FRIEND to my clients. And friends can call when they have a question, and maybe they can bend the rules a bit because you love them, but the mistake that most people are making – even me way back when – is mistaking being LIKED with being RESPECTED. And I don’t mean respect as a professional – I mean respect as a human. Where our time, our energy, and our talent are valued and respected.
When you have clarity around your deal breakers, your non-negotiables, and your lines in the sand around your time, your energy, and your talent, it becomes very easy to draw boundaries. You won’t need to keep bending over backwards for your client and you don’t need to feel weak or like a pushover anymore.
The big problem with this kind of client issue is using our toxic personal habits to guide our work habits.
A lot of people feel like if they make a client mad, that they will lose them.
And here’s the thing – often that comes from abandonment issues as a child, or being iced out by parents or friends or loved ones because we didn’t act or feel or think or speak as they expected us to.
Just the other day, I told someone that the professional is personal, and the personal is professional. What happens in your personal life, how you handle your personal relationships, is often how you handle your work life, how you handle your client relationships. Those are NOT one in the same.
And this is why I love the work I do so much, and why my clients stay with me for support – because I blend my social work knowledge with my legal and business knowledge. Those skillsets together are a game changer. And yes, I know – I’m tooting my own horn. Because I know if I struggled with it – with all my experience and training – then chances are you do, too.
Stop bending over backwards for your clients. You can be friendly with your clients, and still have strong boundaries.
If it were me, starting over 25 plus years ago, I would do a lot of things differently. In order to have a client relationship that respected my time AND my energy, I would have a clear list of what’s okay and not okay in my working relationships – and then I’d stick to it like white on rice, like green on grass, like bees on a flower. Yeah?
Let’s say a client did to you what mine did to me – calling 5 times in a row. At the time, I definitely did not handle it the way I would now. I’d say something like this:
Ultimately, we’re all looking for friendly, professional, respectful relationships with clients that respect everyone’s boundaries – not just yours. Theirs, too!
What do THEY want out of your relationship together? When are THEY available for you? When are they NOT available? It’s okay to set it for yourself, just like it’s okay to ask for theirs, too.
I’ve gone through this time and time again until I’ve gotten it right over the years, and even still, sometimes a client that I love will still step on my boundaries a bit – and it’s up to me to enforce my own boundaries.
Because remember: how you handle your personal life is the same as how you’ll handle it in your business. It’s not an all or nothing situation – you are a human and your habits crossover, just like mine did in my early stages of my career and in my business.
If they’re texting me on a Saturday night, really late, and I don’t want to respond, it’s okay not to respond. Or to wait until a reasonable time – i.e. on Monday at 2 pm. If they’re emailing me on a Tuesday at 6 am, I can answer when I have the space and energy to answer. Unless we’ve decided otherwise.
I’ve got a 3 business day response time. Everyone knows it. It is what it is.
And sure, I often respond earlier than that, but rarely on the same day unless we’re actively working on something and they need my feedback right away. The fact of the matter is that it depends on what you’re working on and what your deadlines are, in order to know what boundaries around your time and energy feel right and appropriate and respectful.
To get to this place, where I don’t feel guilty or pressured or like I have to prove myself, I had to work on getting really clear about what I personally need as a Human – my rest, my time, my body, my brain – and how to translate that into my business and career.
This clarity is what helped me get super confident about what I bring to the table and how best to serve my clients and protect my peace and my heart and my reputation.
This clarity is what ensures that I only attract the right people and the right projects and the right pay.
This clarity is what helps me continually map out and communicate my boundaries and expectations, and to make decisions that feel good about my working relationships with my clients.
So, yes. You can be friendly with your clients AND still have clear boundaries.
And if you’re looking at your contract, wondering where to put this, this would be great in a section for expectations around communication or in availability or what constitutes an emergency. I mean, for me, an emergency with a client is if the cops show up – I mean, really, that’s about it. And even then … I’m not a criminal lawyer, but I can find one for you. Only you know where that ounce of prevention and pound of cure fits into your contract. But if we were to work on a contracts package together, for me, honestly, I separate those things out. I would separate the logistics of working together out from the specifics of the project you’re hired for. That’s just one of the ways I’m different from other lawyers, other consultants. I want you to have a one-and-done mentality around your boundaries so that it’s a rule for everyone, not just piecemeal with some clients and not others.
And if you think you’re alone, you’re not. I promise you. SO MANY CREATIVES STRUGGLE WITH THIS. And a big reason for that is because they also want to please their clients, they want to be available, they want to show they’re invested and care. But you can do that, and be friendly, and still have boundaries.
In the last episode, I told you about that student who worked at that agency and how they never had a limit on revisions. Same kind of situation here: setting boundaries and then enforcing them is easier when you’ve outlined them up front.
(Listen to 🔗 EPISODE 85 here, about dealing with unlimited revisions and being stuck with a client project)
At the end of the day, creatives work with me because they need that space for reflection, that permission to set a boundary, to let go of a toxic people-pleasing habit.
Then it becomes easy to confidently tell your client no (or not open that email or respond to a text until you’re ready). And you can still be friendly – you can still have kind language in your contract and communications – and still have boundaries.
Alright, let’s start wrapping up. I think you get the picture, yeah?
Society wants you to be exhausted, trying to keep others happy – clients or otherwise.
Society wants you to keep trying to prove yourself, keep trying to convince people you know what you’re doing – clients or otherwise.
Society wants you to keep that pressure on yourself, to keep going when you’re exhausted and to be available for anything and everything that the person with the money wants – clients or otherwise.
And society is WRONG.
I want you to do good work for good people, AND take care of yourself.
I want you to only work with people who KNOW your worth and value, so you don’t feel like you have to convince them.
I want you to carve out space for rest and to get your creative spark replenished.
You deserve that. I deserve that. Your CLIENTS deserve that, too.
So, all it takes is a tweak. Time set aside to really look at the issues that keep rearing their ugly heads with your clients, and to make a list. Then think of ways to fix it. Once you have that list, you can implement it.
And if you’re stuck or unsure or afraid to do that, then that’s why I am here – to help you through that fear and to help you create the words, the scripts, the language that feels safe to say while also taking a stand for yourself. Schedule a strategy call with me and we can do just that. I’m here for you.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
Too many service-based professionals believe they need the client’s approval to become a client when actually it’s the other way around. The client needs your approval to become your client.
Did you know that you can limit the number of revisions, reviews, and opportunities for feedback for clients … as many or as few as you want? It’s true.
Just because a client wants something, doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to give it to them. And I say this with love: please, in fact, do NOT always give the client what they want, simply because they want it.
Today, we’re talking about limiting the amount of times you revise a client deliverable. You can limit it all you want, but only IF you have three key sentences in your contract. And that’s what I’m here to talk to you about today. Because there was a time when I thought that the client was always right. And then I learned they weren’t.
Seriously, though. Clients are amazing. You might be my client, and if you are and you’re reading this, I want you to know I’m not talking about YOU – I’m talking about clients from ages ago, decades ago. You know, the ones I cut my teeth on before you.
We’ve all been brought up on this idea that the client is always right. We’ve been told this by our elders, been told this by our bosses and supervisors over the years. Maybe even from clients and customers. But let me disabuse you of this idea.
Because the client, the customer – they aren’t always right. That quote you hear? It’s incomplete.
The actual quote is: “The client is always right… in matters of TASTE.”
In other words, if a client doesn’t like something I’ve created for them, that’s totally cool. It’s not to their taste. It has no reflection on me or my value as a human or a service-provider, just like it wouldn’t have any reflection on you or your value as a human or a service-provider.
If a client doesn’t like something, it simply means it’s not to their taste. But it does not mean we have to redo it, give money back, or change it.
Especially, and I mean especially, if your contract outlines three things:
how many revisions/opportunities for feedback that a client gets
how much it costs them per hour to get more than that number of revisions/feedback
what to do if you can’t come to an agreement about the actual deliverable and they don’t want to pay extra for more revisions
Now, if your contract does not outline these three things, then maybe – just maybe – you might feel morally obligated to provide more revisions, and if that’s the case, then my hope would be that you have clients who feel ethically obligated to offer to pay you extra for the additional work you’re doing above and beyond what you expected to do for them. I hope you have those kinds of clients, but chances are if you do not have a contract that outlines these three things – or, you don’t have a contract at all – chances are that you’re attracting clients who take advantage of your well-meaning, kind, beautiful self. And you’ll feel pressured to give when they ask.
However, just because YOU expected to only do a certain amount of work on the project, doesn’t mean that THEY expected you to only do that certain amount of work. And here’s where mismatched expectations around the services they will receive gets hairy.
If you think, “oh, it’ll only take two rounds of revisions to get this where it ought to be, because it usually only takes two rounds” and they think, “oh, I can’t wait to get this PERFECT and EXACTLY AS I SEE IT IN MY HEAD!”
Then, when you send the first draft, and then the second, and then the third, and now you’re getting frustrated and annoyed and bordering on angry … and they’re still thinking, “oh, this is not quite there yet, let me send some more helpful feedback,” then you’re going to find yourself in quite a predicament because you’ve got two different sets of expectations – and I guarantee you that’s a recipe for disaster.
This is where disputes come up the most with clients – you believe one thing, they believe another, and you DID NOT have the conversation about it before signing the contract or agreeing to do the work. Pretending that everyone is on the same page, without talking about tiny details like how many revisions they get until it’s a PROBLEM, is a recipe for disaster.
When you have clarity around your process and the details around your client experience, then you don’t need to keep hoping and pretending they won’t ask for more than you’re willing to give.
The problem with this scenario is that people usually wait until there’s a PROBLEM before they clarify the LIMITATIONS.
A lot of service-providers, creatives like you – they’re worried that if they limit the client before the work even starts, that the client will push back or be annoyed or angry. They’re afraid of losing a potential client and afraid of not giving ENOUGH to the client to make it feel “worth it” to hire them.
But the problem with this is that they feel these feelings BECAUSE they don’t believe in themselves – they don’t value themselves, they feel unworthy of charging a proper fee, they feel undervalued probably because they’re charging too little for their services, but that’s a different episode altogether – in fact, go back and listen to episodes 24 and 25 – those are a great start to services and pricing).
They believe that they have to PROVE themselves to a potential client before the client will pay them what they deserve, and they believe that they need the client’s APPROVAL to become a client (when, actually, it’s the other way around – they need YOUR approval to become your client).
And, let’s be honest, they’re probably avoiding confrontation, too. But by avoiding confrontation, you actually are more likely to CREATE confrontation.
By avoiding confrontation, you create confrontation.
Any potential client that’s a right fit for you, will respect your process. They’ll see that there’s a limit on revisions in your agreement, your contract, or you will have that discussion together in the intake / consult.
Instead of waiting until there’s an unreasonable amount of revisions, and you’re coming at it from a place of frustration and anger, I want you to tell them up front what the limit is on revisions. I can almost guarantee you that they won’t think twice about it and a big reason for that is because they do not know any better. They’re trusting YOU to be the expert and to guide them in the process.
So, instead of waiting or taking a “please don’t ask for one more revision or I’ll go coocoo,” just include this in the contract:
1. how many revisions/opportunities for feedback that a client gets
2. how much it costs them per hour to get more than that number of revisions/feedback
3. what to do if you can’t come to an agreement about the actual deliverable and they don’t want to pay extra for more revisions
In order to not be stressed out about the number of revisions or opportunities for feedback that a client will have, just tell them what the limit is.
So, “What Would Sheila Say?” to include in the contract or intake/consult?
To have clarity around the number of revisions your clients get, you actually have to understand your process well enough – and have it all mapped out properly.
If you don’t know how long it usually takes you or how many revisions it normally takes, then you’ve got an opportunity now to start outlining that and documenting it for the next client. And once you know, you share it ahead of time with the client. That way they know what to expect, and so do you. And then, they won’t be surprised when you tell them it’ll cost more to do more revisions that planned out or included – because you told them ahead of time and they signed the contract that outlines that charge.
At the end of the day, we’re all looking for clients who respect our boundaries and our process. I come up on this issue all the time when working with creative clients on their contracts.
I had a student once who interned at an agency and was eventually hired on. He did graphic design work for agency clients and he told me how the agency never put restrictions or limits on clients of how many revisions they could have for each phase of the project.
That meant that the projects would drag on and on because (as you know) rarely do clients know what they want. So every time they’d send out a draft, the client would come back and say, “oh, this is getting there, can we also – dot dot dot ….” There would always be something to change or add or tweak. And it was frustrating. Maddening. They couldn’t make any real headway on projects because there would always be one more thing and it would make it very difficult to put limits on clients or push forward because that was the standard at that agency – the client was always right, and the client could have whatever they wanted. Not only were they wasting precious energy, they were wasting time and money. Not the client’s money – THE COMPANY’S MONEY. Profit matters – without it, you can’t pay your people, you can’t pay your taxes, you can’t pay your bills. If something like unlimited revisions is eating up all your profit, then it makes it very difficult to feel good about the client relationship.
And, let’s be honest: it can be difficult to get clients to explain exactly what they want, because if they could draw the thing or write the thing or build the thing exactly as they wanted, they wouldn’t hire us in the first place.
It makes sense that they’d want to tweak it or change it because they envisioned something else. But the whole point of hiring people like us, creatives like you, is that we’re the experts. We are the talent. And we need to be trusted.
So, when that student came back to me a few years later to create his freelancing contract package together, he was so fed up about the situation with the revisions that when we got to that part of the process, deciding on those limitations and those guardrails for clients, he was adamant about not allowing ANY revisions. I mean, he literally said to me, “NO! NO REVISIONS ALLOWED!” And look, I mean. I’m a reasonable person, so no revisions AT ALL feels like the other side of the pendulum. He swung from one extreme – unlimited revisions – to the other extreme – wanting no revisions. We talked through it and eventually, we agreed that two revisions would be enough, and anything above that would require an hourly fee, with a one-hour minimum.
And here’s the thing, and I’ll let you in on a little secret – I am a big believer in a “”a rule for one is a rule for all.” So, if you give one client unlimited revisions, but try to put restrictions on another, that’s really not fair to the client, and it’s not fair to you, either. Because you’re the one who has to track it and remember which client has which number of revisions and at which stages of the project, and which milestones. And I can think of a million better ways to use your big beautiful brain – and it’s not on tracking something like that. Keep it simple.
You see, in order for him to apply that rule for all clients, he had to be clear about his processes. Once we understood how long things would actually take and where he needed client feedback, then he was able to confidently say “only two revisions” – and when it was all outlined in his proposal and contract package, he didn’t have a problem courageously pointing to that line in the contract that said, “two revisions and anything over two is charged by the hour with a one-hour minimum.”
At the end of the day, the right people will respect your process and they won’t have a problem paying you for your talents. But you can’t undervalue yourself. You can’t believe you’re unworthy of charging properly. You don’t have anything to prove – make the decision, set the expectation, enforce the boundary. Because the hardest part isn’t deciding where the guardrails are with a client – it’s enforcing them. It’s telling a client that the contract says X.
At the end of the day, this is also about protecting your peace, your reputation. It’s about setting clear boundaries around your time and energy and talent. When you clearly outline what to expect, they won’t push back. And if they do push back, you can point to the contract and say, “LOOK.”
Instead of waiting until there’s an unreasonable amount of revisions, and you’re coming at it from a place of frustration and anger, tell them the limit.
In an industry full of people who do creative work for ridiculously low amounts of money, it can be hard to say no to a client when you’re trying to land them or keep them. But as I’ve said before, you want clients who respect your time, your energy, and your talent. That’s how you’ll get projects you love, and also, it’s how you’ll get the pay you actually deserve.
Society – well, capitalism really – wants you to give access to your talent and time and energy – and to do that without restrictions. And that’s wrong.
Capitalism wants you to avoid confrontation with your clients. It tells you that clients are always right, but that’s not true either. They’re only right in matters of taste. And if your specific way of doing things isn’t right for them, that’s okay. They can find someone else who is.
Capitalism wants you to put pressure on yourself, to keep going and just give the client what they want so you can go on to the next thing, and that’s no way to spend your beautiful talent. That’s wrong.
You don’t have to play that game. If you’re my client, I won’t let you play that game. I care about you. I care about your talents. I care about helping you do great work for great clients.
If you just make those three tweaks I mentioned, I’m pretty sure things will change for you – not just in the way your clients treat you, but in how you feel about your clients and your relationships together.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
There are so many gurus out there, telling us how THEY did something, promising you it will work for you. But the truth? It won’t.
What works for THEM will not work for YOU – you are not them. It’s as simple as that.
But, we do need some kind of framework, right? We have to start somewhere, some template, some values or mission and vision that inspires us. And instead of focusing on finding frameworks that TELL you what to do, what I’d love for you to consider going forward, is to look for frameworks that ALLOW you to do what YOU want to do – that help give you structure that you can flow within. And a structure that – quite frankly – you can apply to ANYTHING you do … the work you do, the life you live, the people you commit yourself to.
That’s what we’re talking about today.
You know the old adages that shame us for not taking action? Sayings like:
“The only way to get what you want is to ask for it.”
“The only shot you miss is the one you don’t take.”
“Carpe diem.”
I’ve never really liked these sayings, and I think it’s because the underlying belief here is that WE are the reason that we’re not doing something right. And, yes, maybe that’s true in part. But it’s not all on us, either. Society tells us we have to be perfect, look perfect, sound perfect, act perfectly in order to be successful, to “get it right” or to get that client – but that’s a lie.
The truth is, everyone’s just trying to make it, trying new things, trying to make a change in their life and business and career.
What if instead of thinking about what we’re NOT doing, we consider the fact that society has created standards and norms that make us feel that if we don’t do it right the first time, that somehow, that means we shouldn’t do it at all.
The other day, I posted about failure in my Instagram Stories. It’s okay to fail. But it’s not okay to fail the same way twice. The thing is that “failing” the same way twice means you didn’t learn the lesson you were supposed to learn from the first experiment. Yes, I said it – the experiment. Life is just an experiment. Every decision, every boundary, every reset expectation? All experiments!
Every time you try something new, you’re saying: “This is my hypothesis, let’s run the experiment!” and sometimes, at the end of the experiment, you say, “oh crap it didn’t work as expected…” And when that happens, we evaluate the data, then choose: rerun the experiment or quit. Most people quit because it didn’t work as expected the first time. Or, they stay in bad situations because they think that’s their punishment for the experiment not going as planned.
But, let’s be honest: it can take a few tries to finagle the environment to match your needs and desires. Sometimes, yes – we need to quit. But 99.9873% of the time? We should run the experiment again.
Every single time you try something, you learn how NOT to do it – you learn what you LIKE, and you learn what you do NOT like. Every single time you take action, you get more clarity about what’s next in your experiment. And, that, my friend, is confidence. And with confidence, comes courage. Because without that tiny action, you would not have gotten the clarity you needed to get more confident and to get even more courageous.
The truth is, once you have that clarity around your FAILURES, i.e. what worked and what did not, you can then tweak your behavior towards something you think will work next time. This is how you can attract the right people, and the right projects, and the right pay.
But knowing all of the things that didn’t go right that one time you tried, and never running the experiment again? That can add up. And then, it can just feel like a big pile of nothing-ever-good-happens-to-me, which then feels heavier and heavier to hold, so much so that we don’t want to try because we don’t want to do it wrong “again” … but I’m here to tell you that pile of crap goes away – but only if you start to make decisions around what works best for YOU and what FEELS right to YOU.
It means stop doing what other people tell you to do – their “magic formula” – and instead, create your OWN magic formula. Your own framework. And you can do it with someone like me, who provides you with the space to answer the questions about what YOU want to do. Because there’s no amount of money that will make you want to do something you don’t want to do. And if a client isn’t paying timely, or they’re micromanaging you, or just, you know, overall being an annoying client, there’s nothing that they can do – or you can do – to make yourself be happy about the work you’re doing.
At the end of the day, the key to getting the right people on your client roster, and the right projects that light you up, and the right pay that makes you want to dance into a waterfall … that key is simple.
It’s about BEING YOURSELF. That’s what I want for you – to be yourself, 100% – showing up weird and wild and wacky. Letting your tats show and wearing your rainbow earrings and saying what you need and want from clients BEFORE they become your clients.
This is what I do every single day, right? Helping people just like you … helping them to be honest about the truth of what it means to work with them. Even if that truth is a set of strict rules about scope creep and steep hourly rates for anything outside of your scope. That’s a boundary. Or even if that truth is around communication and being clear that you want your clients to answer you within a certain number of business days. That’s an expectation. Even if it means putting both of those things in writing – that’s a decision. It’s not scary; it’s reality. Because until they’re your client, they owe you nothing. But once they become your client, they owe you the same level of respect and trust and communication they expect of you.
At the end of the day, your work is not just about helping a client. Your work is also about protecting YOU – protecting YOUR peace, YOUR heart, YOUR reputation. And this applies even if you’re working for an agency or organization, but this especially applies if you’re a freelancer or taking clients on your own.
There’s a real difference between being an employee and being self-employed. But being self-employed still rings too … how can I say this … EMPLOYED. 🤣
If you dream of being your own business owner (or maybe you are one now and you’re feeling like an employee for a bunch of clients), then you have to do what’s necessary to get the clarity you need, to develop the confidence to speak, and the courage to follow through on the consequences of your actions and the client’s. But if there are no consequences outlined, then YOU are the one who will suffer. You and you alone. But chances are, you already knew that, yeah?
Most creatives are doing what they think everyone around them is doing, or doing what they think the “industry standard” is (spoiler alert: the industry standard doesn’t actually exist).
When you have the clarity, the confidence, the COURAGE even, then you don’t need to say yes to crappy clients because you’re just trying to make rent. Instead, you attract the right kinds of people, the right kinds of projects, and the right pay to you.
When you outline the expectations you have of clients – you know, things like communication and intellectual property rights and payment terms – then you don’t need to keep reminding clients of the rules or keep putting up guardrails. Instead, you actually set strong boundaries that ensure your personal life is stress-free, too. You make decisions that feel good.
When you make sure you have the systems and processes and contract in place that fully speaks to you – your process, your expectations, your boundaries – then you don’t need to keep bending over backwards, hoping your client pays you extra for the out-of-scope work (spoiler again: they won’t unless your contract says so and you’re clear about what’s in scope and out of scope).
When you do all of these things, then you actually create an ecosystem for yourself that protects your peace, protects your heart, and protects your reputation. You create your own experience around what it means to do the work you love, for people and causes you actually care about. And you will attract clients and work and pay that is aligned with that.
The problem I’ve always seen with creatives, though, is that rather than taking a bit of time to figure all this stuff out on the front end, they just jump right in, start taking clients, and say they’ll “figure it out later” – but later never comes. And I know that, because I’m a lawyer for creatives. I have seen the shitshows that have come up because someone didn’t take the time to make sure their contract said what they wanted it to, or even that they had a contract to begin with. Procrastination is real. But all procrastination is, is the avoidance of an emotion – so if you’re avoiding doing a task, what emotion are you avoiding on the other side of it?
A lot of creatives feel like it’s too stuffy to have an actual, real, professional client contract. They’re afraid that if they put a bunch of rules in front of a potential client, that the potential client will bail. So, they don’t even TRY. That’s because they’re afraid of rejection, afraid that they’re not good enough, afraid that someone will see right through their facade and somehow, they’ll be seen as a fraud.
So, what do I want you to do with this information? I want you to stop winging it, stop pretending that being “easy to work with” and “flexible” are badges of honor. Instead, I want you to create your OWN framework, your OWN systems, your OWN processes, your OWN contract – all based on what matters most to YOU. No one can tell you what matters most to you – only you can do that. Assuming you’re asked the right questions.
So, instead of saying yes to every potential client that walks through the door, be more discerning about whether YOU want THEM to be your client.
That means you need to get clear about what matters to you in your work, for your client roster, in your compensation. Even what kind of clients and projects you want to take on in the first place.
It means you need to be clear about what you expect from your working relationships with clients, and that you’re outlining what it looks like to work with you – and that you do all of that BEFORE they become your client, so that they know what they’re getting into.
That means you need to be proactive about protecting your peace, your heart, your reputation.
To have great clients and life-giving projects and excellent pay, you need to get clearer, so you can feel more confident, so you can go and be courageous.
A great place to start is my free interactive guide, the 12 Tweaks to a Clearer Client Contract. To go through and to answer a few questions about the topics, seeing how you can start to tweak your contract to make it more … well … YOU. Not a robot. Not a template you got off the internet or a friend. But to bring YOU to the table, so that what happens in the day-to-day with you in the project matches what they see before they say yes.
At the end of the day, we all want better clients, better projects, and better pay. And it’s not something that just happens overnight.
It takes a bit of time – not too much, really, a few months – to sit down and focus. It’s easier to do when you have some Gentle Accountability with someone like me, a coach consultant lawyer … but the truth is, you won’t get where you want to go unless you sit down. Focus. Stop winging it.
When I started out, to an extent, I was winging it … but looking back, now I see that every single interaction I had was just an experiment. I had some royal client failures – and when I did, I learned my lesson: I never took another client like that person ever again. And I integrated those lessons into my systems, my processes, my intake, my contract – because otherwise, I was going to just keep attracting crappy clients.
And when I started to be super clear about what I did and did NOT want, I felt confident in telling a potential client no. I felt courageous after I’d say no and the world didn’t end!
The shift was pretty quick to start to get the right kinds of people and projects and pay in my life. But I had to make the changes. I had to focus. I had to tweak and tweak and tweak – incremental changes that have helped me learn all the lessons that I share with you here on the podcast.
At the end of the day, my focus was on setting the right boundaries, clarifying my expectations of my clients, and making decisions that I knew in my heart and soul were the right ones for me.
When’s the last time you did that for yourself?
How are you protecting your peace, your heart, your reputation? Are you?
That free interactive guide that I mentioned will help you start inserting that ounce of prevention that leads to a pound of cure into your contract, into your client relationships.
And look, over the years, I have helped plenty of creatives with fixing their contracts, their processes, their systems, their intake, their messaging, their missions and visions and values, too. The truth is, we all struggle with this to some degree. But someone else can ALWAYS see you better than you can see yourself. So, as we wrap up, just know that you’re not alone.
Society wants you to believe that if you don’t present yourself perfectly to a potential client, that you’ll lose the sale.
Society wants you to believe that if you have expectations about how you want to be treated, that somehow you’re putting people out by asking for it.
Society wants you to believe that the client is always right, even when they’re not your client.
And none of these are true.
My mission, my focus, has always been on making sure you have the tools and skills and words you need to be clear and confident in your working relationships.
I care about whether you have the right client for YOU. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you want the friendliest pufferfish in the sea – the Amazon Puffer – then you can have that.
The only person telling you that you can’t have that amazing client is YOU.
And look, of course you can keep doing what you’re doing, but if you never stand up for yourself, always bending over backward for clients who don’t deserve you, then that’s all you’re going to get. But don’t believe for one single second that those are the kinds of clients you deserve. You DESERVE the friendliest puffer fish in the sea, if that’s what you want. But to get the friendliest puffer, you have to step into yourself, sink back into your own knowing. You have to have SPACE to drop back in and tell your truth, even if it means not taking on a crappy client. It’s hard at first, to say thanks but no thanks … but it opens up all the space for the whole body hell yes for the Amazon puffer that’ll be coming at you later.
And, if you need support, I’ll be running an 8-week Contracts Course soon – I’ll throw the waitlist link into the show notes – but also, go do my free 12 Simple Tweaks Form to help you get a clearer client contract. I’m here if you need me.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
It’s better to lose a client than to spend every second of every day wishing you’d never taken them on. Red flags exist for a reason – pay attention to them.
Today, we’re talking about overcoming the fear of losing a client. Today, we’re going to dive into the EMOTIONAL side of this issue – some of the reasons why we’re so afraid to lose a client we don’t even want.
So … There was a time when I was so afraid to lose a client. It’s normal, especially when you’re first starting out. You think that you have to take everyone and anything that walks through the door. Cut your teeth. Earn your chops. Prove that you can do hard things.
Early on, I pretty much did take on everyone – even if I wasn’t always 100% sure about what I was supposed to do for the client. Sometimes, I brought on other people who knew more than me, just to take that client, instead of turning them down.
Yes, I learned a lot. But also, I hurt a lot. I didn’t do a good job of separating my needs from my wants. I didn’t do a good job of taking care of myself. I didn’t allow myself to get REALLY good at a handful of things. I was all over the place, working on completely different projects that required completely different skillsets – sometimes, all in the same day. And while yes, I got the client, I also got exhausted. I burned myself out trying to do too much, all at once.
After that nightmare client I mentioned before – you know the one, “Bailiff, STOP THAT WOMAN!” – I pulled back. I took a good hard look at my client roster – including clients I’d taken on in the past but whose projects were complete – and I did some serious soul searching.
What did I love about each client? About each project? About the pay I received?
What did I wish could have been different about the client? The project? The pay?
What did I want to KEEP in my client demographics and psychographics? What kind of projects really lit me up and were totally worth my time and talent and energy? Which did I want to KEEP?
What did I want to be known for? What were people asking of me that felt like a stretch? Where was I in my Zone of Excellence … and how could I get more of my Zone of Genius?
Looking at the answers of all those questions, I found clarity around the kinds of people and projects and pay that were really RIGHT for me, and I spent some time mapping out what it would look like to help professionals – people just like you – solve problems.
The truth is, contracts and negotiations and project management have always been my jam. I realized that my best creative sparks came from creating OPPORTUNITY for a client, not only in fixing their problems. I didn’t want to just FIX a problem, I wanted to PREVENT it from ever happening again.
I wanted to empower my clients. So they didn’t need me – but so they trusted me when they wanted support in avoiding a problem in the future.
Too many creatives are worried about losing a client. But when you have clarity around who you are, what you want your professional life to look like, and why that is, then you don’t need to keep taking every single client that walks in the door. You don’t have to come to the table from a place of scarcity mindset, scared that you won’t make the bills this month. Because when you know who you want to work with, and the kind of work you want to do, and why that kind of work matters to you, then you attract those exact kinds of people and projects and pay. The right stuff will come to you – not because you have the perfect words or the perfect awards for your work, but because your energy will attract others who VALUE you and what lights you up.
The real problem is that we’re taught that we should just be grateful for anything we can get. That we’re “lucky” if someone wants to work with us. That we shouldn’t make people mad. That we should make people happy by giving to them if we can. But that’s so wrong.
THEY should be grateful they found YOU. THEY are LUCKY they found YOU. THEY do not deserve every last piece of your time, talent, and energy just because they want it.
A lot of people feel like they aren’t worthy of a great client. They think they have to prove themselves. To show they have value. Trying to attract attention from anyone, just to feel like they matter. Always in a hurry to just “get the client” – instead of worrying about getting the RIGHT client.
And actually, as I’m saying this, if you flip this idea on its head, maybe clients should have to do that for YOU. They should prove they’re going to be a great client. They should show they value you. They should be chomping at the bit to get you and your genius. They should show you that they are the right client for YOU.
I want you to stop avoiding the truth – don’t avoid confrontation. Stop trying to convince yourself a client is “right” for you – and instead, start asking the questions that you need answers to, to ensure that next client is the RIGHT client for you.
Looking back, if I wanted only clients who valued me and treated me with respect and trusted me to lead them to the right solution for them, then knowing what I know now? I would have started asking the questions that I needed answers to a lot sooner and way before they became my client. To ensure that next client was the RIGHT client for ME.
At the end of the day, we all want the people, projects, and pay that feels good from the start, all the way through to the end.
I know what it’s like to take on people and projects that were in my wheelhouse, but the pay wasn’t great. I know what it’s like to take on projects and pay that were great, but the client SUCKED. I know what it’s like to say yes to the money, and suffer day by day because of the people and the project. You don’t have to do that. You can choose to skip that part of your suffering. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone – you already know you CAN do it. The question is not whether you CAN do something. The question is whether you actually WANT to do it.
I had to work on my own clarity around the clients I DID NOT want, in order to have confidence in my processes. That gave me the courage I needed to say NO to clients – well, I’d actually say “thank you for thinking of me, and also, no, thank you” – especially when the clients were not the right fit for me, even if the work and pay sounded good. Because when you say no to the clients that aren’t right for you, you actually put out a bit of a beacon into the universe – to say, “hey Universe, I don’t want those kinds of people, so don’t send them to me.” Yes, it’s a little woo-woo, but you get what you put out there. And if you keep taking every crappy client because you’re afraid of losing a client, then you’ll keep getting crappy clients. It’ll be a bit of a dip, while the Universe course corrects, but it’s worth it.
And look, I’ve had hundreds of clients over the years with this same situation – I told you about Bob, I interviewed clients in past episodes – and I have clients now who will tell you that it is not worth keeping the clients that are zeros on a scale of 1 to 5 … because the truth is, you deserve 5s. One of my clients calls her 5s her ALL-STARS. Because that’s what being a kickass client is – bringing the right project, the right pay, and the right attitude to the table.
Society wants you to believe that the only way to make money is to say yes to anything that falls into your lap.
Society wants you to believe that you should take the money because it’s money, always taking more for the sake of more.
Society wants you to look externally for proof that you have value and worth as a professional.
And as always, Society could not be more WRONG.
You aren’t just a service-provider producing a deliverable. You’re a human who probably wants to spend your days and energy and talent beautifying our world and not adding to the noise, or helping yucky people get one over on people. I’m sure you’re mission-driven and you don’t want to do work that hurts others – I know I don’t.
If you take the time to really look at the people and projects and pay you’ve been attracting, I am pretty certain that you’ll see a pattern. In fact, you probably already know the pattern. You probably know the exact red flags I’m talking about. And now, all you have to do is create a system – a process … something in your intake form – that will help you catch those up front. Chances are, if you do, you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache. And, if you’re not sure how to do that or where to start, schedule a Strategy Call with me.
Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Rate this podcast/episode on Apple Podcasts, or leave feedback here, and be sure to leave me a voice note with a question for me to answer in a future episode!
