I used to answer the phone 24/7, even if I was sleeping, even if I was in a meeting, even if I was in class.
A lot of that was during law school, when I was running that multi-million law firm I built from scratch. The day that changed everything was when my client called me five times in a row during class. My phone was on silent, because hello – I was in CLASS – and when we were shifting to the next case, I glanced down and saw the notifications on my phone.
No voice message, just five calls back to back. Clearly someone is dead, dying or in the hospital, right?
I ran out of the classroom, much to my professor’s chagrin, and I called the client back.
“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?”
“Nothing happened. Nothing’s wrong. I just needed to ask you something.”
“Okay – what is it?”
“I was wondering if we could move our meeting next Wednesday to 5 pm.”
And that, my friend, was when I lost it.
I lost it. I – and I hate to admit this, but I did it, and I value truth-telling – I yelled at my client.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEXT WEDNESDAY?! YOU CALLED ME FIVE TIMES IN A ROW TO ASK ME ABOUT AN APPOINTMENT THAT WE DON’T EVEN HAVE UNTIL NEXT WEEK?!”
Well, let’s just say the rest of that conversation did NOT go well – and yes, I moved the appointment for them. But from that moment on, I never ever again gave my phone number to clients and I never ever again allowed clients to call me 24/7. I set strict boundaries around what to expect from our communications, and I put rules up about what an emergency is and how to tell me that they have one.
And maybe you’re doing this, too, but the truth is – I wanted to be LIKED by my clients, so I acted like a FRIEND to my clients. And friends can call when they have a question, and maybe they can bend the rules a bit because you love them, but the mistake that most people are making – even me way back when – is mistaking being LIKED with being RESPECTED. And I don’t mean respect as a professional – I mean respect as a human. Where our time, our energy, and our talent are valued and respected.
When you have clarity around your deal breakers, your non-negotiables, and your lines in the sand around your time, your energy, and your talent, it becomes very easy to draw boundaries. You won’t need to keep bending over backwards for your client and you don’t need to feel weak or like a pushover anymore.
The big problem with this kind of client issue is using our toxic personal habits to guide our work habits.
A lot of people feel like if they make a client mad, that they will lose them.
And here’s the thing – often that comes from abandonment issues as a child, or being iced out by parents or friends or loved ones because we didn’t act or feel or think or speak as they expected us to.
Just the other day, I told someone that the professional is personal, and the personal is professional. What happens in your personal life, how you handle your personal relationships, is often how you handle your work life, how you handle your client relationships. Those are NOT one in the same.
And this is why I love the work I do so much, and why my clients stay with me for support – because I blend my social work knowledge with my legal and business knowledge. Those skillsets together are a game changer. And yes, I know – I’m tooting my own horn. Because I know if I struggled with it – with all my experience and training – then chances are you do, too.
Stop bending over backwards for your clients. You can be friendly with your clients, and still have strong boundaries.
If it were me, starting over 25 plus years ago, I would do a lot of things differently. In order to have a client relationship that respected my time AND my energy, I would have a clear list of what’s okay and not okay in my working relationships – and then I’d stick to it like white on rice, like green on grass, like bees on a flower. Yeah?
Let’s say a client did to you what mine did to me – calling 5 times in a row. At the time, I definitely did not handle it the way I would now. I’d say something like this:
So, “What Would Sheila Say” to Younger Sheila?
🎧 LISTEN HERE FOR MY ADVICE! 🎧
Ultimately, we’re all looking for friendly, professional, respectful relationships with clients that respect everyone’s boundaries – not just yours. Theirs, too!
What do THEY want out of your relationship together? When are THEY available for you? When are they NOT available? It’s okay to set it for yourself, just like it’s okay to ask for theirs, too.
I’ve gone through this time and time again until I’ve gotten it right over the years, and even still, sometimes a client that I love will still step on my boundaries a bit – and it’s up to me to enforce my own boundaries.
Because remember: how you handle your personal life is the same as how you’ll handle it in your business. It’s not an all or nothing situation – you are a human and your habits crossover, just like mine did in my early stages of my career and in my business.
If they’re texting me on a Saturday night, really late, and I don’t want to respond, it’s okay not to respond. Or to wait until a reasonable time – i.e. on Monday at 2 pm. If they’re emailing me on a Tuesday at 6 am, I can answer when I have the space and energy to answer. Unless we’ve decided otherwise.
I’ve got a 3 business day response time. Everyone knows it. It is what it is.
And sure, I often respond earlier than that, but rarely on the same day unless we’re actively working on something and they need my feedback right away. The fact of the matter is that it depends on what you’re working on and what your deadlines are, in order to know what boundaries around your time and energy feel right and appropriate and respectful.
To get to this place, where I don’t feel guilty or pressured or like I have to prove myself, I had to work on getting really clear about what I personally need as a Human – my rest, my time, my body, my brain – and how to translate that into my business and career.
- This clarity is what helped me get super confident about what I bring to the table and how best to serve my clients and protect my peace and my heart and my reputation.
- This clarity is what ensures that I only attract the right people and the right projects and the right pay.
- This clarity is what helps me continually map out and communicate my boundaries and expectations, and to make decisions that feel good about my working relationships with my clients.
So, yes. You can be friendly with your clients AND still have clear boundaries.
And if you’re looking at your contract, wondering where to put this, this would be great in a section for expectations around communication or in availability or what constitutes an emergency. I mean, for me, an emergency with a client is if the cops show up – I mean, really, that’s about it. And even then … I’m not a criminal lawyer, but I can find one for you. Only you know where that ounce of prevention and pound of cure fits into your contract. But if we were to work on a contracts package together, for me, honestly, I separate those things out. I would separate the logistics of working together out from the specifics of the project you’re hired for. That’s just one of the ways I’m different from other lawyers, other consultants. I want you to have a one-and-done mentality around your boundaries so that it’s a rule for everyone, not just piecemeal with some clients and not others.
And if you think you’re alone, you’re not. I promise you. SO MANY CREATIVES STRUGGLE WITH THIS. And a big reason for that is because they also want to please their clients, they want to be available, they want to show they’re invested and care. But you can do that, and be friendly, and still have boundaries.
In the last episode, I told you about that student who worked at that agency and how they never had a limit on revisions. Same kind of situation here: setting boundaries and then enforcing them is easier when you’ve outlined them up front.
(Listen to 🔗 EPISODE 85 here, about dealing with unlimited revisions and being stuck with a client project)
At the end of the day, creatives work with me because they need that space for reflection, that permission to set a boundary, to let go of a toxic people-pleasing habit.
Then it becomes easy to confidently tell your client no (or not open that email or respond to a text until you’re ready). And you can still be friendly – you can still have kind language in your contract and communications – and still have boundaries.
Alright, let’s start wrapping up. I think you get the picture, yeah?
- Society wants you to be exhausted, trying to keep others happy – clients or otherwise.
- Society wants you to keep trying to prove yourself, keep trying to convince people you know what you’re doing – clients or otherwise.
- Society wants you to keep that pressure on yourself, to keep going when you’re exhausted and to be available for anything and everything that the person with the money wants – clients or otherwise.
And society is WRONG.
- I want you to do good work for good people, AND take care of yourself.
- I want you to only work with people who KNOW your worth and value, so you don’t feel like you have to convince them.
- I want you to carve out space for rest and to get your creative spark replenished.
You deserve that. I deserve that. Your CLIENTS deserve that, too.
So, all it takes is a tweak. Time set aside to really look at the issues that keep rearing their ugly heads with your clients, and to make a list. Then think of ways to fix it. Once you have that list, you can implement it.
And if you’re stuck or unsure or afraid to do that, then that’s why I am here – to help you through that fear and to help you create the words, the scripts, the language that feels safe to say while also taking a stand for yourself. Schedule a strategy call with me and we can do just that. I’m here for you.
Next Steps
- Schedule a Strategy Call with Sheila
- Take the Quiz: Identify and start fixing your people-pleasing patterns today!
- Free Interactive Guide: “12 Simple Tweaks to a Clearer Client Contract”
- Get on the Waitlist for the next Client Contracts Crash Course!
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Hi! I’m Sheila, your guide to a Joyful and Thriving™ creative life! I have lots of titles: attorney, social worker, coach, consultant, keynote speaker, educator. And while I’m proud of those titles, I am a human first and a title second – just like you. I want to help you reset expectations, set boundaries, and make aligned decisions, so you can streamline and focus your energy on the people, projects, and pay that actually matter to you.
Instagram: @sheilamwilkinson | LinkedIn
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