I’ve been working with regulated pros for over 25 years, and here’s what I know for a fact:
If you’ve ever felt overloaded at work, chances are, you were probably the reason for it (but not why you think).
This month, we’re talking about overload at work and dealing with the invisible burdens that bite us in the butt. But this week, though, we’re starting with the blessing and the curse: being the “go-to” person at work (and the invisible workload that goes with it).
I used to pride myself on being *the* go-to person when someone needed an answer.
At home, at work, in my friends group, and even in my professional network. If someone had a question, I told them they could ask me anytime.
But one Friday night, after a very long week at work, I got a text message from co-counsel around midnight. She asked me a question I felt was pretty easy to find out the answer to, and that’s when I absolutelyfreakinglostmymind.
I blew my top. Not at her, of course, because I hadn’t yet figured out how to tell people to look something up for themselves without being a jerk (i.e. https://googlethatforyou.com/).
The one realization that changed everything for me?
While I felt “special” and “trusted” for my knowledge, I was basically a walking, talking encyclopedia. My purpose had changed from confidante and trusted advisor to “easy answer-giver.”
And I was pissed.
This week, we’re talking about how to STOP being the go-to person at work and home – BEFORE you get mad.
Know your limit, before you hit it.
I was on a call the other day with a lawyer who told me that they felt like everyone was running roughshod over them, using them only for what they KNOW, not for what they could DO. I said that when you have clear boundaries around who gets access to your time, your talent, and your energy, then you won’t allow yourself to be of service to everyone, all the time; you need only be of service to yourself.
Most service-based pros are in the business of service. It’s literally in the title. But being of service has its limits. You have to know where yours is … *before* you hit it. And if you don’t know your limits – who is allowed access to what and when and why – then you will hit that wall again and again. Because people who use others don’t care what it takes out of them. You’re the only one who knows your capacity. You have to protect it like the liquid gold it is.
When you’re the go-to person at work, it can feel really good in short doses … little dopamine hits all day long. It feels exciting, validating, even a little like you’ve got a superpower for a moment. That’s because in a way, you do have a superpower.
But when you open yourself and your talents up to everyone all day long and without limits, that good feeling only lasts a moment, because soon thereafter, reality hits: you’ve been interrupted and now *you’re* the one struggling to refocus while that other person is just wandering off into the sunset with their answer they didn’t have to work for. Just like this:
And if this has happened to you, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. And you know how frustrating it can feel to try to get back into your groove.
In my work each day, I see my investigators-at-heart struggle with this the MOST (hiiii, that’s me). We struggle with it because we know SO MUCH and want to help, but we have to know when to share and when to point people to resources instead.
So if you’re the go-to person at work for knowledge and you’re feeling like you’re carrying an invisible workload that no one else sees, you’re not alone.
Stop giving everyone access to you, and instead, start limiting who has access to you and when.
Hopefully, now you’re more curious about how to stop feeling so overloaded as a knowledge worker.
In order to feel like you’re valued for more than just your knowledge, you have to set limits to who has access to that knowledge and why.
This is where Human Design is a great reflective tool. It can help us ensure the steps we’re taking work best for each of us, the unique Human we are.
There are two types of clients I see who make themselves too available to others: 1 lines and Generators.
- My 1 lines (the investigators of the world) are primed for knowing more than they could ever tell you. They love to know every last gory detail of every last option in front of them – and they go down rabbit holes for FUN.
- My Generators (the architects and makers and do-ers of the world) are the ones people go to for mastery … they know things inside and out, showing up with what feels like boundless energy when they’re in the right place with the right people and the right work.
But these two kinds of people also have a dark side. That misalignment is what often gets them into trouble. Our investigators know so much, they get stuck and can’t make a decision, and will just give away their knowledge without appreciation. And our Generators? Others borrow their energy without permission, taking advantage of their endless amount of it. Both of these dark sides dull the gifts and the spark of life.
If we don’t want to feel like our sole purpose in life is to solve other people’s problems day-in and day-out, then we have to set pre-determined limits about who has access to our knowledge and our gifts, and we have to know ourselves at a deeper level – not just emotionally, but intellectually, too. The quickest way to crash and burn is to be everyone’s “go-to” person without limit. That gets us nothing in return but frustration, disappointment, anger, and bitterness. And we deserve better than that. YOU deserve better than that.
We all want to be more than just the “go-to” person for the answers and the grunt work. We want to be the leaders and the ones people look up to.
I’ve been on this planet for close to five decades, and I can tell you that it’s way more satisfying to be seen, recognized, and appreciated for the gifts I bring to the table, than for someone to use me as a shortcut to cheat doing the work.
Earlier, I told that story about co-counsel who texted me on a Friday night around midnight.
That night, the realization that for some people, all I ever would be for them was a way to skip the hard work made me change how I showed up and engaged with the world.
But the harder realization was that I had trained her to treat me that way. I taught her that the only service I could be to her, was to give her the answers so she could take the credit for the hard work I did in learning the information.
The funny thing is, that realization was long before I found out about Human Design. And when I finally did learn that I was designed to be an Investigator and to go down those crazy rabbit holes, I was able to embrace that part of myself again in a way that felt truly life-changing.
I realized that instead of just giving easy answers now as the “go-to” person, the way I’m meant to be of service to others is to help them develop the skills to find the answers for themselves. People just like you.
✅ I will point you to the *right* resources that get you what you need (not sending you on a wild goose chase)
✅ I ask questions that you already know the answers to (but which you might be afraid to say out loud to people invested in you staying stuck)
✅ I guide in a way that helps you embrace the truth of whatever it is you’re searching for (and that’s probably your own life purpose, because we all get pulled off our true path)
Whatever it is – a decision to leave a j.o.b., open their own practice, even to sell or retire – I give them the tools to feel courageous in their next decision, because I learned the hard way how to get confident in mine.
So, let’s go down a rabbit hole together. You and me. You can take my hand whenever you’re ready. Because you don’t have to do it alone.
As I start closing up this post, I just want to say:
I’ve read 228 Human Design charts. Of those 228, 32.46% of them are Investigators by design.
Here’s what that tells me and why you should care:
When Investigators know a lot, sharing their knowledge is a joy. They give a lot.
And when they give a lot, they can easily give too much.
We have to give and serve others with discernment because there will always be people out there who will take advantage of our knowledge and our kindness.
It’s on us to make sure those people never enter our sphere to begin with.
Chances are, if you love learning and reading and you’re the kind of person who turns over every bottle and can you pick up, just to read the back, you’re an Investigator. And if you think about it, chances are you’ve also felt like people just wanted you for your knowledge and not your heart.
So here’s what I’ll say:
- Of those 228 charts, roughly 89% of them have been for clients over the last four to five years.
- And of that 89%, most all of them have found themselves angry, frustrated, bitter, and disappointed that the people they gave the most to, were the people who took the most without recognition, appreciation, or even so much as a thank you.
By the time people come to me, they’re ready to make drastic changes in their relationships at work. They want to be seen as the leaders and knowledge workers they are. They want to be seen as an asset, not a number. They want to do what lights them up, not what drags them down.
And if all this feels a litttttle too close for comfort, let’s run your chart. Let’s see where you fall in the grand scheme of things, and let’s make a plan for how you’re going to show up in the world going forward. Let’s get you the right people, the right projects, and the right pay. We do that by getting you in the right rooms – full of people who respect you and treat you with the reverence and deference you deserve.
You aren’t just a service-provider – you’re a gift to this world. I want you to know it, feel it, and live it.
No matter what your title is, no matter where you work, and no matter how you got where you are … there will always be people who want more from you, simply because they can get it. They will want to keep you exhausted trying to keep them happy. They will want you to spend all your precious time and energy and gifts trying to prove yourself to them, when in reality, you have no one to prove yourself to – not even yourself.
Nothing will ever make me stop loving my fellow regulated Humans – lawyers, social workers, educators, and more: all of you. I care about you. I care about our community. I care about doing good work for good people.
And I care about helping you have the most wonderfully glorious life and career there is to have.
There are plenty of people out there, telling you that you just have to suck it up and deal with whatever hardships come your way. Too many people who believe that if others have it worse, they should be grateful for the crap they have. Too many people who believe that if it’s comfortable but boring, they should keep at it because it’s safe.
But you only have today. We only have this very moment you are reading this. You could keep pretending that being everyone’s “go-to” and getting nothing but more work in return is a good thing … or, you could start setting limits to what and who gets your attention and your gifts. The sooner you start setting those boundaries, the sooner you’ll feel at peace. The sooner you’ll feel satisfied, successful, and surprised at how easy it really was. I’m here when you’re ready. You can make 2026 your year. All you have to do is take the first step.
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👋🏽 Hi, I’m🌞 Sheila! I’m a human first and a title second, just like you. I want to help you make your next BIG decision. Supported by Gentle Accountability, that starts with resetting expectations about what you think you can have and deserve. It’s time for you to create your own Joyful and Thriving™ life and career!
#whatwouldsheilasay #shedsaydowhatyouwanna 🎶
