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How to avoid discrimination and harassment in your workplace or business

When we hear words like discrimination, harassment, and retaliation, it may seem like they’re all one and the same.

But actually, discrimination is a broad term that’s not interchangeable with harassment. And discrimination and harassment aren’t interchangeable with retaliation, either. 

To discriminate against someone = to treat a person differently or less favorably for some reason, anywhere. It doesn’t have to just be at work. 

You can be discriminated against by anyone – friends, family, professors, colleagues, etc.

And one of the biggest mistakes people when it comes to handling a discrimination or harassment complaint is that they don’t take responsibility. The second biggest mistake is that they unwittingly retaliate against the person.

It’s never OK for people to discriminate or harass others – it’s not the victim’s fault.

But we do have responsibilities when it comes to who we work with, where we work, why we chose that organization or client, what we do with information we receive that’s unsavory.

For instance, it could be the way we respond or react to how they treat us the FIRST time it’s misaligned, and why we do or don’t stand up for ourselves – when we finally DO decide to do something about it, it’s usually too late. 

How you’re going to resolve the issue depends on whether you’re an employee or a business owner. 

(Note: This is not legal advice, but it’s good to know that while employees are protected by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, a federal agency, 1099 independent contractors are generally not protected, unless there was a change in your status in which you’re paid like a contractor, but treated like an employee. Always consult an attorney if you need help.)

Flip the Golden Rule on its head – Treat people as YOU would want to be treated.

No matter whether you’re a business owner or an employee, here’s the one simple step you can take to set yourself up for success, and avoid discrimination and harassment: Know who you are, what you want, and why you want it. 

Then, based on that, set CLEAR expectations – whether that’s in your contract, your handbooks, etc. – to ensure that harassment, discrimination, and retaliation does not occur, let people know what the consequences of their behavior are, and to enforce the rules.

If you’re still not clear on the difference between discrimination and harassment or need more help understanding why it matters for you as an employee or business owner, consult with a lawyer on your Power Team. And, if you don’t have one, feel free to reach out. I’m happy to steer you toward resources.

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. What is the best way to resolve a discrimination, harassment and retaliation issue?
    1. Employees: Does the company you work for have a handbook? If so, it should outline the process for filing a complaint or resolving a dispute with any co-worker.
    2. Business owners: Do you have something in place on how to handle these issues with your employees? If you don’t already have this, get on it ASAP! If you hire independent contractors, have something in writing that says everyone is treated with respect no matter who they are to the company itself.
    3. Independent Contractors / Freelancers: Have you outlined in your contract what you will and will not put up with? Reserve your right to terminate the agreement if you experience something misaligned with your own personal and professional values.

Next Steps

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W2 or 1099? Why it always matters for your business and career!

When you hear terms like W2 or 1099, your mind immediately goes to tax season, right?

But these words mean more than just tax forms that you receive at the end of the year.

In fact, one of the biggest decisions we make throughout our career is the choice to be either a W2 employee or a 1099 independent contractor. Sometimes, we may even change from an employee to an independent contractor or vice versa.

Regardless of your role, it’s important to set up expectations of who you are, what you do and what your boundaries are from the beginning.

For instance, understanding the difference between a W2 and 1099 is crucial as you determine  what to include in your contracts with clients, especially when you want to be clear about who you are, what you are to them, what your working relationship is, how you maintain control and what the expectations are for each of you.

Whether you’re an employee or an independent contractor, too often, control can feel like a luxury for only a select few. 

REALITY CHECK: You don’t have to be everything to everybody. Even if you’re an employee.

Even if you are an employee and provide a specific service to your employer, you actually might have more control than you think you do.

The same is true for 1099s – just because you are doing work for someone else does not make you an employee, or the person hiring you as an independent contractor your employer.

If you need additional resources or information on W2s, 1099s and other tax information, the IRS and Small Business Administration websites are great places to start. But getting the information is one thing, applying it is another. This is what I do each and every day – help people decide what path is right for them.

Ultimately, implementing information in a way that works for you is what matters. I’d love to help you figure that out!

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. What is my role?
  2. Where do I have control?
  3. Where can I have control? 
  4. Where can I reset expectations?

Next Steps

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Using intentions to reach your life, business + career goals

These days, the internet is chock-full of websites, apps, and social media posts that dole out affirmations to make you feel good about yourself.

And affirmations are nice. But at the end of the day, they’re just about… fleeting feelings. 

When it comes to reaching your goals or taking your career or business in the direction you want it to go, you need a plan to put it into action. And setting intentions can give you the steps to help you get there.

As you’re setting intentions and affirmations, think about the following:

  • What is the purpose of the intention or affirmation?
  • What matters the most at this moment – do you need to feel better or do you need to take action?
  • When were you your happiest self? Not your most productive self, but your happiest, joyful, kindest, most compassionate self to you and others?
  • What is something that you can be thankful or grateful happened or didn’t happen the way you wanted or felt it should have.

Remember: Affirmations are about feelings. Intentions are about actions.

So, maybe you can start with affirmations to feel good about what you’re doing, the choices you’re making and the things you’re letting go. 

Then, you can rely on intentions to help you get where you want to go, reach the SMART goal that you want, or take your career or business to the next level.

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. Read each example below. Identify if it is an affirmation or an intention.
    1. “My focus today is me” 
    2. “I forgive myself for not being everything to everyone”
    3. “I actively let go of expectations” 
    4. “When I begin to think X, I will Y”
    5. “I will forgive myself when I feel like I’m not able to be everything to everyone” = AFFIRMATION attached to an INTENTION
  2. See the answers below to see how well you did:
    1. INTENTION
    2. AFFIRMATION
    3. AFFIRMATION
    4. INTENTION
    5. AFFIRMATION attached to an INTENTION

Next Steps

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Structure is the key to successful time management

Always be on… always be hustling… Always be closing… Always be scheduling… Always be working… Always, always, always…

Many of us have heard these types of mantras and the capitalist structure that we live in demands that we MUST think this way in order to build a successful business or career.

I always hated that mentality. In fact, I don’t agree with it at all. 

You don’t always have to be ON, hustling, closing, scheduling, working…

Often, I’ve found that for my clients and students, even myself, the trouble with time management is due to a lack of structure… knowing what to do first: the most important thing to do each day.

It’s a mindset about time. And for service-based professionals, especially business owners, this false ideal that not working is equivalent to making no money is rampant.

The truth is, the more structure you have, the more freedom you have.

Because then, you know what to expect and what’s coming down the pipeline, and you can choose what to put into your blocks of time.

Instead of wasting time making these huge promises or commitments you know you won’t be able to sustain, set tiny, baby, S.M.A.R.T. Goals or goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, reasonable and time-sensitive. 

Then, make sure you choose the right Power Tools to get there – aka the tools that help you to be your most powerful and structured, productive, beautiful, rested, sustainable self!

And in case you were wondering, time management isn’t about time at all. It’s about managing projects and tasks … but that’s a post for another time!

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. Take a personal goal – for example, the most common is weight loss (even though you’re beautiful just the way you are and the reason for the goal of weight loss is often much deeper and more expansive like being comfortable in your skin!) – and look at it from a “Five W’s and How” perspective. Ask: 
    • “WHO is going to lose weight?” 
    • “WHAT am I going to do?” 
    • “WHERE am I going to lose weight?” (I know, that’s a weird question, but keep going.)
    • “WHY do I want to lose weight?”
    • “WHEN am I going to start trying to lose weight?” 
    • “HOW am I going to lose the weight?” Hint: Make sure it’s Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable and Time-Sensitive aka S.M.A.R.T.

Next Steps

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The best way to build a successful business is to let go

Elsa in “Frozen” made it sound so simple to just let it go.

But, it’s not always easy. In fact, it’s one of the biggest challenges I see among my clients and students – letting go of things – regardless of whether they can or can’t control them – because they haven’t granted themselves permission to do so.

And so many times, they want to go straight to the HOW of things instead of first determining the WHAT,  WHO and WHY and getting to the root of what they want. They ask questions like: 

  • HOW do I get clients?
  • HOW do I write my contract?
  • HOW do I tell my client I hate him and don’t want to work with him anymore?
  • HOW much should I charge or make in my job?

Can you relate? If so, I want you do one thing right now: Pump the BRAKES. Let’s get to the root of it all.

I LOVE helping clients and students to see things they’re missing and be honest with themselves. For example:

  • Instead of asking, “HOW do I get clients?” I want to know what kind of clients you want, why those clients and who made you decide to do this work?
  • Instead of asking, “HOW do I write my contract?” I want to know what you’re trying to achieve with the contract, what’s the end goal and have you thought about all the pieces of the puzzle that go into the contract as well as all the terrible things that you want to avoid with clients?
  • Instead of asking, “HOW do I tell my client I hate him or her and don’t want to work with them anymore?” I ask why do you hate them (sometimes, it’s a manifestation of some other thing that you’ve been procrastinating –  like following your own deadlines that are unreasonable to begin with and we put it all on others, right?)
  • And instead of asking, “HOW much I should charge to make in my job?” again, I go back to the questions of YOU and all the things that make you, well, YOU.

SPOILER ALERT: There is no single “right” or perfect answer … there is no secret to success.

And anyone who tells you that, or tries to sell you that is lying to you.

I absolutely hate when people sell unethically. So, I’ve given myself permission to be transparent, tell people how I feel and think, and if we jibe, great! If we work together, we work together. And if not, that’s cool, too because I want what’s best for you. 

Even if we don’t work together now, we probably will in the future. Why? Because you’ll remember that I told you that the answer is within yourself and when you’re ready to look deep with me for it, I’ll be there and you’ll know I didn’t push you or try to use manipulative, fear-based, fake scarcity tactics to get you to work with me or do what is best for yourself. 

You may not be ready yet, and that’s okay. But one day you will be, and I will still be here, waiting to support you and be your cheerleader.

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. Whenever you think to yourself, “Oh, I can’t do that,” “I could have done that,” “I shouldn’t do that,” or “I wished I did that,” ask yourself WHY. 
  2. Get curious. Figure out what or who is holding you back. 
  3. Once you identify it, acknowledge it and then do something about it. 
  4. Give YOURSELF permission. Let go of unreasonable expectations. Go intentionally towards what you want. 
  5. Start slow, start small. Take small, baby steps toward what you want. You got this!

Next Steps

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Myth vs. Reality: What you actually need for Success

“Ugh, I should totally know this.”

We’ve all thought or said this phrase at some time or another, whether it was at the start of a new job, career transition, or launching a new business. 

We’ve all had those moments of self-doubt, kicking ourselves for not knowing the answer. But should you, really?

The truth is, you don’t know what you don’t know. That’s why experts exist – to help us do the things that they’re really good at doing… You know,  the things you either:

  • Don’t know how to do. 
  • Don’t want to do.
  • Don’t care to do.
  • Don’t want to screw up.

I call this group of experts your POWER Team and every good, solid POWER team should at least include the following people: 

  1. CPA
  2. Bookkeeper 
  3. Money Systems Consultant
  4. Lawyer
  5. Coach
  6. Mentor
  7. Therapist
  8. Support Staff & Contractors (aka the ones who make the world go ‘round!)

Remember, it’s OK to not know what you don’t know.

After all, you didn’t go to law school. You didn’t get a degree in accounting. You don’t need to know how to be a bookkeeper in order to trust somebody to do data entry for you. You can’t know something if you’ve never been exposed to it. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you don’t know something. Sure, it’s OK to try to do it for yourself, but recognize when it’s better to pay someone else to do it. 

Your time is valuable. Your talent is valuable. Your energy is valuable, and I want you to choose the right way to spend all of that. Once you do that, trust me, the money will come.

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. Who is currently on my POWER Team?  
  2. What types of people or roles are missing from my POWER Team? 
  3. Who do I need to remove from my POWER Team?
  4. How can I strengthen my POWER Team?

Next Steps

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Why the key to success is to get out of your head

Making decisions based on what you think is expected of you, is never the right move.

You’ll always find yourself in frustrating situations that feel helpless, hopeless, and terrible.

But here’s the best part about expectations that we THINK others have of us: they aren’t even real! That’s right, they’re fake! They’re assumptions, ideas and messages that have no basis, foundation or evidence.

If your client hasn’t explicitly told you that they expect you to be early for a meeting with them… 

If your boss hasn’t explicitly told you you have to be at your desk, butt in chair, at 8:55 am… 

If your partner hasn’t explicitly told you that they expect you to take out the trash and recycling bin the night before pickup…

Then guess what? It’s all in your head. 

Until you explicitly know, it’s only an assumption, a guess, a feeling, or even the avoidance of a feeling… Maybe you’re avoiding disappointing someone, angering someone. Of not looking like you care. Of not caring and not wanting others to think you don’t care. 

It’s time to forgive yourself for not fulfilling expectations that do not truly exist.

Here’s what that looks like:

  • Setting about on someone else’s path of right and wrong
  • Embarking on a career or business or life path that was never yours at all
  • Taking responsibility for, taking over other people’s burdens
  • Taking away from yourself, misappropriating someone else’s expectations of themselves that you thought belonged to you

If you’re taking action (or not taking action!) based on an expectation that you think others have of you, then the bottom line is that you’re living someone else’s life. Not your own.

I want you to live your own life. The way you want to. For the reasons you want to.
Your why. Your want. For you.

Extra Credit

When you’re down on yourself because you feel like you did something wrong, or disappointed someone, think about these questions:

  1. Did that person actually tell you they have that expectation of YOU?  
    1. If so, was it reasonable to expect that from you? If not, let it go.
    2. If not, what’s the actual frustration?
      1. Where did you come up with the idea that THEY have an expectation of you?
  2. Why do you have this expectation? What does society expect, that you’ve somehow internalized? Why does it matter? 
  3. When did you start trying to meet this expectation? What was going on? When did this issue start popping up? Hint: Look for clues and patterns.
  4. How can you start to shift an expectation into one that is more manageable, more reasonable for YOU? What is ONE baby step you can take today to start changing this expectation?

Next Steps

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How to Manage Client Expectations

We often project what we think people want from us.

For instance, how often do you find yourself working 60, 70, 80+ hours a week? (You’re not alone – I used to work 100-120 hour weeks!)

Or are you the type who feels like you have to get your inbox down to zero unread messages every single day?

Maybe you just feel like you have to respond to each and every email immediately, instead of giving yourself a 24- to 48-hour window to respond, even if it’s during the weekend.

But why? Did the client say that this was an expectation they have of you? Because the only thing that truly is expected – reasonably and realistically – is what is EXPLICITLY said is an expectation of us.

And even if the client did have that explicit expectation, guess what? We can choose not to live up to that expectation. That’s right, you can choose not to fulfill someone else’s explicit expectations of you. Just say no. 

Sure, I know that sounds easier said than done. We’ve been socialized to shove down our wants, our needs and our feelings. To be smaller. To take up less space. To not bother others. To be nice and play it safe and to not rock the boat.

I give you permission: Live up to your OWN reasonable expectations of yourself. Just say no.

We already know that we don’t always tell others what we expect of them, right? Well, the opposite is true. If people do not explicitly tell you what they expect from you, then you cannot ever meet their needs. So, let that go. 

If someone has a problem with you because you aren’t meeting their SECRET expectations, then you have no business being in a relationship with them until they are willing to tell you exactly what they need and want.

Same goes for you.

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about these questions:

  1. When you’re feeling pressure to do that “extra” thing today … did your client tell you that they have that expectation of you? If so, was it reasonable to expect that from you? 
  2. What is the actual frustration here – is it the people, the project, or the pay? Or something else entirely?
  3. Where did you come up with this idea that they have an expectation of you? Is it reasonable? Possible? Achievable? True?
  4. Why do they have this expectation? Why does it matter?
  5. Did you ever not meet this expectation? What was going on? When did this issue start popping up?
  6. How can you start to shift their expectation of you into one that is more manageable, better and more reasonable for you? What is ONE baby step you can take today to start changing this expectation?

Next Steps

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Ready to start taking control of all the expectations that feel like they keep raining down on you? Your solution is right here: Managing Client Expectations Mini-Course with Workbook!

Just $19 for a WORLD of insight and the framework outline you need to have that hard conversation. 😍

The best way to deal with that frustrating client

No matter where you are in your career or business, we’ve all experienced that nightmare client.

You know, the one who always shows up late to the meeting…

Or the one who never speaks up and tells you how they honestly feel about that mock-up…

Even worse, the client who wants a revision you don’t want to make, yet they believe the client is always right. (By the way, this is not true – they are not always right)

Or maybe it’s something else …

But as you think about the frustration, aggravation or annoyance, ask yourself – is it reasonable? What exactly is making you believe that you have to have that expectation of them?

Read that again. 

(And guess what – spoiler alert: it’s probably rooted in an expectation that you have of yourself.)

A wonderful friend of mine, Anthony, gave me this advice many moons ago, and I live by it today:

You can’t expect of others what you expect of yourself, for there, you will always find pain.

In other words, we tend to want people to see things our way, do it our way, read our minds, show up as we expect them to show up, BUT we don’t always tell them what we expect of them in the first place. 

When that frustrating client scenario hits, rarely is the immediate gut reaction to look into ourselves. Instead, we  look out at someone else and think: What did THEY do? Why are THEY doing this TO me? 

It’s time to shift the way we evaluate and reflect. Remember: No one will know what you need or want or expect if you do not speak up. 

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, thinking of that annoying client, think about these questions:

  1. Who told you that you need to have that expectation of others? And who are they to tell you what’s right for you in your relationships with others? 
  2. What is the actual frustration? 
  3. Where did you come up with this expectation come from? Is it a good expectation to have? Is it reasonable? Possible? Achievable? 
  4. Why do you have this expectation? Why does it exist? What does society expect, that you’ve somehow internalized? Why does it matter?
  5. When did they start NOT meeting this expectation? What was going on? When did this issue start popping up? 
  6. How can you start to shift that expectation of others into one that is more manageable, more compassionate, kinder and more reasonable for them and for you? What is ONE baby step you can take today to start changing this expectation?

Next Steps

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Why slowing down can fast-track your success

How much should I be paid? How do I get new clients? What should I do next in life?

So many of us have these types of questions when it comes to starting a business or launching a new career. 

However, in all my years of experience – legal, coaching, teaching, community outreach and development – the biggest trouble area to overcome before you start a business is centered around EXPECTATIONS, especially the ones we have of ourselves.

And that’s because of the characteristics surrounding those expectations, and how we’re socialized to think and behave, whether it’s from our parents, guardians, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, mentors, advisors, spiritual teachings, books, media – everything.

When it comes to starting a new chapter, instead of focusing on how to hit the ground running, digging into the hustle and bustle, slow down and dig deep.

Take a second and ask yourself: 

  • What is the top frustration you have at home or work right now?
  • Can this expectation be rooted somewhere in an expectation that you have of yourself? 
  • How does that frustrating or annoying situation revolve around an expectation of yourself?
  • Why do you feel this way? What’s going on under the surface that’s making you feel this frustration – because that frustration is really at yourself, yes?
  • Is the frustration, annoyance or aggravation with yourself reasonable? 
  • What is making you believe that you have to have that expectation of yourself?

You cannot expect of yourself what OTHERS tell you that you should expect of yourself.

We know this intellectually, but emotionally, we still think we can make emotional decisions with logic. Guess what? We can’t. So stop trying.

As you choose your career or business, understand that there is no straight answer, no one exact way to do things, no one single answer. It’s all about you, what you want, why you want it, and your expectations of yourself.

Extra Credit

As you go about your day, think about this:

  1. When you’re feeling some kind of way, pay attention to how you’re feeling in that exact moment and take a breath.
  2. Identify and name your feelings. 
  3. Identify the underlying issue. 
  4. Note where and when the issue comes up. Look for the patterns in your life.
  5. Make a plan to communicate what you need and how to resolve the issue, including steps that need to be taken. 

Next Steps

Take the plunge. 💦 Sign up for my email list to get notifications on new podcast episodes, free resources, behind the scenes activities and VIP Pre-Public Access to opportunities and discounts, and more! And, after you do that, scroll back up and click play to go deeper.